Celebrating the Gift of Critical Feedback

When was the last time you received honest critical feedback from your direct reports? Great leaders solicit, reflect upon, and respond positively to critical feedback; however, this is easier said than done. Detaching from ego is a tough skill to master, and it is not something we see modeled often enough in traditional leadership models.

A key component to hearing anything negative about one's performance starts NOW. Begin by focusing on decentering your own perspective as much as you can, and this should really be a daily practice.

Some questions to ask yourself on a regular basis:

What do I believe about my team, our output, and our business or organization?

Why do I believe what I believe?

Who or what benefits from what I believe?

Who or what suffers from what I believe?

What if I am wrong? Then what?

These are questions that help us begin to understand our beliefs are informed by a variety of ever-changing factors. Our beliefs about our work must be built upon a framework that is flexible enough to shift as the information we take in changes.

This is not to say beliefs are wrong. Or that we should be paralyzed by fear of being wrong. It means we should be always open to the fact that we COULD be wrong, and prepared to change course if necessary. Teams grow, markets change, research evolves; and great leaders must adapt to new realities.

Another key to responding to critical feedback is to listen deeply. Recognize that human brains are wired for self-protection. When we hear information about how we made a mistake or how we could do better in the future, our brains will often respond for self-protection. Meaning, we stop listening to critical feedback and begin to immediately move into a self-defensive mindset. We begin making our case for WHY the critical feedback is faulty, instead of listening deeply to the information and sitting with the possibility that there may be valuable truth in the feedback.

The listening deeply technique is tricky. We are so wired for protecting the self we often focus on the intent of the words or actions being critiqued--instead of on the IMPACT the words or actions had on others. Be cognizant that any urge to surface the intent behind the words or actions being critiqued, instead of focusing on the impact of your behavior, is a tool to protect yourself from experiencing pain. This may feel good in the short term, but it ultimately damages trust in working relationships AND denies you (and your organization) the opportunity to learn, grow, and improve.

If you feel your brain moving into self-protection, defense mode, slow down your breathing. Take deeper breaths. Look at the person giving you the gift of critical feedback. Nod your head. Ask clarifying questions.

DO NOT SAY:

"But..."

"I see your point, however..."

"My intention was not to...."

DO SAY:

"Thank you for this feedback. You have given me a lot to think about, and I will take time to reflect and respond thoughtfully."

"I hear you saying (repeat back what they have shared). I value your perspective. I commit to doing better in the future. Here are some steps I will take to ensure I don't make the same mistake in the future."

Receiving critical feedback from our team is a gift. There is an implicit and explicit power dynamic between managers and the staff they supervise. It is too easy for leaders to surround themselves with "yes" people who do not feel safe or supported to share their honest perspectives about the management of the team. Great leaders solicit and respond to critical feedback from their staff. Instead of running away from suggestions for improvement, we should celebrate them for what they are: a gift.

If you or your team would like support in developing tools to celebrate critical feedback, contact jess@thomkeconsulting.com.

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