Differentiate CommYOUnication

I went through a short phase in my adolescence where I often thought my dad was a moron, despite the fact that he was was a Harvard Law School graduate and spent the majority of his career as a successful executive leader. Fortunately, my teen angst didn't last long and did not stop me from listening and learning (albeit reluctantly) from him as he opened up about the day to day realities of managing of people. I caught the management bug from him -- listening to him share stories about how people interact in the workplace and beyond. I will share much of what I learned from him on this blog.

One of THE MOST important tools he shared was this: learn to differentiate communication styles and patterns; in other words, communicate in a manner that works for your individual team member--not necessarily in the manner that feels most natural or comfortable for you.

It feels comfortable to communicate in a manner that feels best to you--the manager. If you are a hands off manager, a come-to-me-when-you-have-a-problem-manager, it feels good to put the impetus on your team members to initiate dialogue. This style will work for many employees, but it will not work for everyone on your team. For some people, you may have to invite them to engage with you.

Conversely, if you are a talker, it feels good to process verbally with (or at) your team. For many on your team, this will work just fine. For some, they prefer internal processing and can become overwhelmed or shut down if there is too much talking. For them, you will need to spend time thinking about what it is you want to share and distill it into a concise question or comment.

Perhaps you are a praise-er. You enjoy giving oodles of praise to your team. Some folks will soak up the love. Others will tune you out at best or feel seething resentment for what they consider to be empty platitudes, at worst.

On the other end of the spectrum, you may prefer to focus on how your team can improve the execution of their jobs. You may use your team-interface time redirecting or giving critical feedback. Some people will thrive in this environment and appreciate the near constant critical coaching. Others will feel demoralized and begin to disengage.

I have seen what my dad taught me play out 1000 times over in the workplace. Great managers decenter their communication preferences and learn to adapt their styles for the benefit of their team members.

All managers can benefit from deepening this skill. Make no mistake--

learning to differentiate communication styles IS a skill we can teach, learn, and practice.

A great place to start is to get very, very curious about the people on your team and how they perceive their needs for communication. In one-on-one meetings or in online surveys, ask employees to share what styles of communication work best for them.

This post is dedicated to my pops for putting up with adolescent me AND teaching me the art and science of strong, compassionate leadership.

If you, or someone you know, would benefit from coaching about how to differentiate their "commYOUnication", contact jess@thomkeconsulting.com for a free consultation.

#management #communication